You might be a Muslim If....
 
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. ...............  You may be a Muslim
 
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes..................... You may be a Muslim
 
3. You have more wives than teeth........ You may be a Muslim
 
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean..................... You may be a Muslim
 
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide........You may be a Muslim
 
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against........You may be a Muslim
 
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.....  You may be a Muslim
 
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.........You may be a Muslim
 
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four...............You may be a Muslim
 
10. Your cousin is President of the United States.........you may be a Muslim