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(Forum Home)--->(Hunting Stories)--->(ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS...Hilarious)
Thread Admin: AA-bob (3-0-0) (Last 10 Posts) Posted: 06/19/2009 at 16:51:39
Total Posts: 6
Thread Title: "ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS...Hilarious"
AA-bob

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dips**t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . (see part 2)

(Start a Thread) (Forum Rules)

Thread Admin: AA-bob(3-0-0) Post#1 - Posted: 06/19/2009 at 16:51:58
AA-bob

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE H**L!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, t*******s nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE H**L!!!

Former Seller: WALI(52-0-0) Post#2 - Posted: 06/19/2009 at 18:21:08
WALI One of my "chinchillas" , the big one, well, bigger than the other two, has 2 small burn marks, from that very thing. I didn't belive it. YOU SHOULD!!! WALI...............

Buyer: 5thcommjarhead(62-0-0) Post#3 - Posted: 06/20/2009 at 05:29:54
5thcommjarhead WALI - I think that you should do it to the others and even them up. I'd sure pay to see that.

Buyer: Splittinhairs(18-0-0) Post#4 - Posted: 06/20/2009 at 06:00:10
Splittinhairs I bought an electric shock collar for the dog and had to try it out. Put the electrodes on my leg just above the knee and tried it on the #1 setting, felt nothing. Set it on #2 and hit the button, just a slight tingle. Set it on #3 and hit the button, yeeeeowch, my leg went straight out, thats where I stopped. Like to try on the wife but I dont think she'd have it!

Buyer: Trebuchet(16-0-0) Post#5 - Posted: 06/20/2009 at 09:37:47
(no avatar) you guys worry me....Split, were you giving her the remote?

Buyer: JohnT007(30-0-0) Post#6 - Posted: 06/21/2009 at 08:39:10
(no avatar) Split, try it on Fat Doug when his feet are wet in that boat. Tell him since he is such a dear friend you bought him a gps locator in case he gets lost on the lake.



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