A Oklahoma cowboy gets pulled over by a Texas Trooper the trooper begins lecturing him about speeding. The Ok.cowboy notices the trooper keep's swating flies, the cowboy ask him y'all got problems with circle flies? Trooper said well I never heard them called circle flies? The cowboy say's yup you always see them circling around a horses a-- the trooper stops writing the ticket say's boy you calling me a horses a--? the cowboy say's oh no I have too much respect for law enforcement , the trooper goes back to writing the ticket after a long wait the cowboy say's hard to fool them flies though
This guy buys a new Corvette and is bombing down the highway at about 80 mph. A state trooper comes up behind him, the guy panics and floors it hitting 120. A bit later he realizes what he's done and pulls over to wait for the cop. As the trooper aproaches his window the guy says "Man, I'm really sorry about that, I normaly don't speed, but with this new 'Vette, it ride so smooth and when I saw you I just paniced. Whatever punishment I get I deserve." The trooper liked this attitude and said, "Well, it's the end of the shift and I don't need more paperwork. If you can give me a good reason for speeding, one I haven't heard before, I might let you off." The guy says, "My wife left me last week and ran off with a state trooper. When you came up behind me, I thought you were him, trying to bring her back." The guy got off!
Some folks in arkansas had this ole cow and she dried up quit giving milk so they done some research and found that the best milk cows came from wisconsin so the went up there and bought one brought her home and for a year straight she gave more than enough milk they decided to get a bull and breed her to keep the bloodline going but when they let the bull in the pasture the cow wouldnt have it if the bull came from behind she would go forward if he came from the front she would go backwards so they decided to talk to the vet who they thought was the most intelligent guy in the world when they told the vet there story about when the bull approached from the back she would go forward if he came from the side she would go sideways the vet walked around the cow while listening and stopped and asked this cows not from wisconsin is she the farmers were in total amazement they asked you figured that out just by what we told you and looking at the cow the vet said no but my wife is from wisconsin
Mike and Mindy leave the suburbs and buy a small farm. One morning Mindy tells Mike-"Hon, we should have some livestock to show our neighbors that we fit into the farm life-some chickens and maybe a pig or two" Mike agrees, they get some chickens and a Yorkshire sow from a neighbor down the road- He comes back a few weeks later and sees the chickens peckin' away at their feed, and the sow in her pen- all nice and "Green-Acres like". Mindy asks him when the sow will have some piglets for her to play with, and the neighbor says, OK, bring her down in your truck tomorrow and we'll breed her to one of my stud boars- so they do, and afterwards Mindy asks him-"Well, when will we know if she is pregnant" and the neighbor says- 'Just watch her in the morning, if she is grazing on grass, that's a sure sign she took" "Well, OK then, she replied" For the next week they watch her- no grazing, so they put her in the truck and drive her down to the neighbors for another "session"- another week, and again a repeat of this- finally Mike is frustrated, puts down his coffee and says to mindy "Is that stupid pig finally grazing or not?" and Mindy answers "That pig isn't stupid, she's sittin' in your truck behind the wheel and honkin' the horn like crazy"..
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