Elitist, funny article...but warn a guy first for goodness sake. I approached this thing like it was a serious manifesto and ended up with burnt nostrils and a coffee stained shirt. Oh, well, won't have to trim the nose hair for a good little while.
While an admirable treatise, you did seem to give short shrift to some of my favorite gun show characters :
For instance, what happened to Dwane? You know, Dwane the greasy long-haired pudgy guy in the 4 day old white shirt with the pocket protector, 3 magnets, 3 chamber mirrors, 6 eye loupes and a bore scope? He handles every gun on your bench, completely ignoring the "ask before handling" signs prominently posted on each item. Dwane gives each gun an exam any proctologist would be proud of between dry firing the unfired Win Model 21 Grand Americans and cocking the unturned, and until then, pristine Pythons. Dwane is always surrounded by a cloud of BO that would drop a Bull Moose in heat at 50 yards quicker than Cyro's .270. Dwane, having learned his personal hygiene habits somewhere in the middle east. Dwane has never bought or even fired a gun in his life, but reads every periodical and catalogue, can spew reams of gun esoterica and does his thing at gun shows to fill the dead time between Star Trek conventions (the show hall seems to double as his home). Unfortunately, we fail to learn that Dwane also has Alien spit for sweat until 2 days later when we unpack from the show. We know it was Dwane by running his finger prints which are now all permanently embossed into each and every gun you own.
And how could you possibly have forgotten Caleb?
Caleb, bless his heart, has great stories but is a little hard of hearing. He makes sure he gets to appreciate the sound of a good tale too by telling it at about 120 decibels. Ol' Caleb fought in the Great War (more stories) and will not hesitate to recite in full detail every gun he ever owned, handled or saw. He is especially good about engaging you in his recitations while you are trying to "skin" old Bubba out of his Dad's old .30-30 and just when you're about to set the hook. Caleb has an especially good story about the 160 pt Boone and Crockett white tail Buck he took "right down there where Bob's Big Boy is today". He remembers every single detail of that story as if it were yesterday, but seems he forgets where the entrance/exit to the show is or which tables he's stopped by and visited with. The whitetail story wears thin on his third telling/rotation by your table while he's still trying to locate the exit.
Then where is Charlene. How could you possibly leave her out? Charlene, of course, is Henry's trophy wife. She's a bit past her prime and has gone a little bit to seed in recent years. Henry, a little p---y whipped, is a very successful self-made man, carries wads of cash he made in the construction business and never met a gun that he didn't like or that was overpriced. Henry always comes by your table and buys lots of stuff at top dollar. Recently, Charlene, having figured her salad days are about over and realizing she can't switch horses the way she used to, decides she better quirt the one she's riding pretty hard and keep a tight rein on. She only comes to the shows to keep a close eye on Henry (actually on his cash/her investment). So far this year she's queered 6 deals between you an Henry.
I've probably missed a few more like Darryl, you know Darryl, the high school drop-out wanna be cop, working for ABC security at gun shows on the weekends. Darryl, you know the 250 lb guy with the size 50 shirt and the size 5 hat who is always parked at the entrance with a hand full of pull-ties, checking all the carry-ins and giving all attendees an equal but requisite ration of crap. Darryl has a big black belt resplendent with baton, 6 mace cylinders 4 pairs of hand cuffs and a nifty walky-talky with that little remote speaker/mic on the shoulder (of course there's no one to talk too since ABC is closed on the weekends). Darryl delights in his little weekend power trips fighting imaginary terrorists (he bags grocery at the local A & P during the week) and takes extreme pride in his finely developed devotion to surliness.
Add your favorite characters to the list folks.